Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
