just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
