brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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