but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
