More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
