I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
