Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
