five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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