Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
