Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
