What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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