considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Randomize
