Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
