I think I have vodka in my lungs
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
