So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
