I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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