Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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