I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize