how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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