i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
