yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
love makes seman taste better
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
