she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
