Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
