I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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