i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
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