I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
