Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
