Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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