What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
