Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
