remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I look better un-naked...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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