I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Randomize
