is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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