We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize