i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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