It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
