Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize