2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
