i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm both gender and math confused
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
