Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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