I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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