Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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