Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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