im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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