He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
