i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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