Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
