I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize