if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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