You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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