hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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