Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
