worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
