i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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