the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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