You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
