There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
