yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
