Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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