Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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