i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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