Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
