I can't breathe out the right side of my face
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
