Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize