The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize