so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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