i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
