"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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