I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize