What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
