On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
