I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
