So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
