I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
