She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
