the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
