I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
