If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
