I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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