I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
