I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
