I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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