He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
