I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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